


"Was that not a good one?"

by charlieboy



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Asexual Character, Kissing, M/M, also theres some asexual/gray ace stuff so, busty women brought to you by the golden god himself, just dumb kissing again, project badass is mentioned godbless, theres typical sunny swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:56:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlieboy/pseuds/charlieboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie gets some much needed help with perfecting his wildcard face from Mac.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Was that not a good one?"

**Author's Note:**

> ive been thinking about writing this goddamn fic since the first time i saw that episode like three years ago and ive never seen anyone write it so,, finally i got to it and wrote it. also, like i said in the last fic i wrote, charlie is ok with kissing mac, mostly because its mac, so this mightve just been me writing myself into charlies character? but ya i hope its not too ooc idk 
> 
> also also i still dont know whats up with the indents oh god i'll look into it later today hopefully

10:43  
On a Monday  
Philadelphia, PA

“I'd better look in a mirror 'cause I don't know what I'm doing and what it looks like feel like two different things.”   
“The Brains, I'm going to supervise 'cause there is - no way he should be making this decision.”  
“Well, walk me through it, dude, - 'cause I just don't see what you're talking about.”

Mac and Charlie walked into the bathroom to figure out his wildcard face because so far, he just wasn’t getting it. Mac of course needed to help Charlie out because the three faces he tried, were a mess and not in a wildcard sense.   
After a few more eyebrow movements and weird constipated-looking mouth shapes, Mac got fed up, “Dude! How are you not getting this? Hold on,” Mac took both his pointer fingers and started poking Charlie’s cheeks, moving them like scruffy play doh. Finally, they found one, and to add to the effects, Mac turned on the sink, ran his hands underneath the water for a second, and messed up Charlies hair even more than usual.  
“Oh my god, Mac calm down, you’re acting like my Mom!” Charlie squirmed out of Mac’s karate hands in his greasy hair.  
“But, hold on, like… lemme just fix one more thing? Please?” Mac was looking at him funny, and didn’t often say please.  
“Yeah okay bro but then that’s enough.”   
Suddenly, Macs hands were on each side of Charlie’s face and pulling him forward, right towards Macs face. They kissed and at first Charlie thought it was gross and slimy, but Mac didn’t taste bad? He tasted like what Charlie thought he would taste like: beer, long ago cigarettes, and anxiety. That comforted Charlie because he was nervous too, and although he didn’t care for kissing, or anything sexual for that matter, it was kinda nice kissing Mac. It was like when they were kids, throwing rocks at trains and wrestling in the back alleyway instead of going to class. Like when Mac kissed Charlie’s knee after he had jumped on Charlie’s back in attempt at a sick takedown he had seen Hulk Hogan do, but Mac was a lot taller than Charlie at the time and ended up making him fall on the ground and scrape his knee real bad instead.   
Charlie’s thoughts dissipated when Mac made a quick decision and picked him up and swooped him around so that he was now sitting on the sink counter.   
Mac tried to put his tongue in Charlie’s mouth, and all he could think about were how tongues felt like bumpy worms. Mac’s hands had now relocated to one on Charlie’s side and the other on hip. Moving his hand further down, (in attempt to hold Charlie’s butt? He didn’t understand why people enjoyed butts so much unless it was in a funny dancing way, like his butt butt dance,) the side of Mac’s hand touched the counter and -  
“AH?! Charlie what the shit is that??” Mac had jumped back a little and was looking back and forth at his hand and the weird clear substance that his hand had just introduced itself to.   
“Oh man!” charlie replied, laughing, “That’s where it went!” Mac furrowed his brows but was not surprised.   
“See ok dude, I made some slime awhile back right, but I spilt like. All of it. All over the bathroom! And I was pretty sure I had cleaned it and put it in the bucket I had but I wasn’t sure and when I got back to my apartment, I noticed there wasn’t the same amount as earlier -”  
“- Oh my god! Charlie that is… how’d you make the slime so clear?” Macs anger evaporated faster than Charlie would’ve expected considering the slime had corrosive properties and might burn his hand. Charlie started laughing again and said, “Dude I can show you sometime it’s super awesome.”  
“Yeah, maybe I could use it for some Project Badass videos?”  
“That’d be so badass bro! But you should like wash your hands again probably because it made some meat I put it on sizzle a little and did not taste very safe so,”  
“Goddamnit Charlie!” Mac was furiously washing his hands, “Stop eating things that you aren’t supposed to!” He could tell Charlie wasn’t listening because he was giggling and picking at the skin on his hands, kicking his legs back and forth, still sitting on the counter.   
Mac dried his hands on his jeans and felt anxiety rise from his stomach to his cheeks as the words came out, “Um but dude also, like… would you wanna like, do this again maybe? Only if you wanna though, it was dumb but, it helped you with your wildcard face duh, so um, if you need help again…” Mac was staring at the ground and saw Charlie’s beaten, worn out sneakers jump down onto the dirty floor. Charlie took Macs hand and held it; as much as Charlie didn’t like being touched really, he always liked holding hands. He tried holding the Waitress’ hand once and she slapped him, but he knew Mac was okay with it. Charlie was fine with kissing Mac if he liked it, because Charlie knew Mac didn’t like holding hands because he thought it was ‘way too gay’ but he would hold Charlie’s hand when they were alone and Charlie was having a panic attack or had again huffed too much of whatever inhalant he could find. It was comforting to Charlie because it was touching another person, but just a hand so it wasn’t too much. Plus you didn’t have to be naked - Charlie only liked being naked in sewers because it made sense and didn’t involve touching gross body parts or having his body parts touched.  
“Okay, that sounds good,” Mac looked up, a little shocked.  
“Oh - Alright yeah cool man. Um but definitely not somewhere sticky,” Mac was laughing nervously and Charlie smiled and laughed also.  
“Yeah, also I can show you how I make the slime! I think I have the perfect recipe now.” Mac was going to try and argue with Charlie about saying recipe, because he really shouldn’t be eating substances that make meat sizzle, but couldn’t think of a different word to use instead.   
They both started to head for the door, Mac consciously letting go of Charlie’s hand once they were in front of it.  
“Also dude? When the hell did you clean the bathroom last?” Mac started to wonder what Charlie actually did half the time while claiming to be doing Charlie work, but apparently making weird goo instead, and ending up having dirtier counters.  
Charlie stopped smiling and got defensive, “Yesterday bro! Get off my back, it’s hard to see because it’s clear!” Mac rolled his eyes.  
“What happened” Dennis asked hearing them exit the bathroom, still working on his chart of the busty women.   
“The wildcard over here made some goo shit and got it on the counter in the bathroom - also, dude how did it not burn through the counter if it made meat sizzle?” Mac, now curious about the slime again.  
“I don’t know! But it’s awesome!” Charlie was smiling again, bouncing on the balls of his feet.   
“That’s disgusting guys. Charlie, don’t get that shit on anything and go get it out of the bathroom, I need to focus on finishing this incredible chart with the gorgeous busty babes for the banker.” Dennis didn’t want to hear the wildcard screaming about nasty unnatural stuff the rest of the afternoon. He needed everyone to focus so the plan would go smoothly and be successful. Charlie sighed and went back into the bathroom, wondering when Mac would let them hold hands again.


End file.
